Tag Archives: relationship

Time to Reconnect

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Angela and I had the most wonderful privilege of escaping to the wilderness for almost an entire weekend without the kids. We slept in, we didn’t wake up to kids crawling over us, we didn’t have to change any diapers, we didn’t have to prepare any meals, we didn’t get peed or puked on, we had naps…

It. Was. Glorious!

First, I should probably clarify that I’m not the kind of guy that likes to hand off the kids at any given time in order to take off and indulge in a hobby, or a sacred weekly activity with “the guys.”
I take my role as a Dad pretty seriously, and that means I work hard to show my family that I have their best interest in mind at all times. I’ve also discovered that a big part of that is loving my children’s Mother.

It’s important to remember that I’m a Husband first, and a Dad second. Both are hefty titles, but it’s imperative that I remember which comes first.

I vividly remember my own Dad coming home from work day after day, and the first thing he would do was track down my Mom. If she wasn’t near the door when he walked in, he would walk the whole house if he had to. His first embrace was always Mom.

It didn’t take long for my siblings and I to realize that Mom was first in Dad’s heart and mind, and once they had a few minutes together, it was our turn to tell Dad about our day. There was no neglect, it made me feel safe.

I’ve worked hard to model this in my own home as well, and although we don’t get “out” as often as we would like at times, we always work hard to make time for each other, and we work hard to show our kids that this time together is important.

I’m not saying I’m doing everything right, I have faults and weaknesses, just like the next guy. But I want to encourage you this week in your marriages to show your kids that your spouse comes first.

It can start with the smallest of things, dish her plate out first at meal-times, hold the door open for her, make some time each day for just the two of you to sit and talk (explain to your kids that you aren’t to be bothered because this is important.) Let your kids see you honouring each other with your time, energy, and attention. Our kids are watching our every move and their perspectives and opinions of marriage are being developed and formed as they watch us interact with each other.
(A scary thought at times.)

Be so encouraged in what you are doing, keep at it, work hard to build a good home for your wife and children. The family was God’s idea, let’s not forget that. 😉

 

Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; (Psalms 127:1a NKJV)

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Where’s Daddy

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“Where’s Daddy” is a wonderful game Angela and I play with our kids when they are little.

I take cover behind a baby blanket and say, “Where’s Daddy?” I suddenly drop the blanket and to the baby’s delight I laugh and smile at them while they giggle with surprise. (Kids are SO fun!)
For our family, this is a joyful game of bonding, but for many others this question is a harsh reality that leaves a wake of invalidated and hurting kids.

Some kids never meet their Dad, some only see him as he grabs a cup of coffee on his way out the door in the morning, and others still question (years later) if it was something that they did to cause their Dad to desert the family when they were young.

Our kids crave our attention and they need our affection. We must acknowledge and comply with their yearnings on top of our nine to five.

To put it plainly, there is no easy path in the life of a Dad.

How many movies or shows have you seen where the kid is at their sporting event and scanning the bleachers for Dad? Kids need consistent affirmation and validation from their dads.

Dads are often portrayed as blundering idiots and buffoons in mainstream media. They tell their kids to act one way, while doing the exact opposite. We should all understand by now that this is a gross misconduct of the responsibility placed upon us as Dads.

Too many men are quick to make a deposit, and just as quick to leave when the reality sets in that it’s time to grow up and stop thinking about someone other than themselves.

If you still don’t believe me let’s take a look at the statistics.

Father-deprived children are:

72% of all teenage murderers.
60% of rapists.
70% of kids incarcerated.
twice as likely to quit school.
11 times more likely to be violent.
3 of 4 teen suicides.
80% of the adolescents in psychiatric hospitals.
90% of runaways

I hope I’ve made my point clear, Dads have an unsurmountable amount of responsibility placed on their shoulders the second they make a contribution to a life. Every single child in the statistics above started from an egg and sperm, so where are all the Dads?

It’s no wonder God says that sex is confined only to the marriage bed. A child needs both a committed father and mother to train him/her in the way he/she should go. The statistics prove it.

Being a Dad is easily one of the hardest things I have done and continue to do, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is worth it. Much correction occurs, both in our children’s lives and mine, but I won’t stop. Ever.

I refuse to be one of these dads who continuously puts work, a hobby, a vehicle, a raise, his own ambitions, or his own ego before his family. God is my provider and sustainer, He will continue to make me complete in every good work to do His will.

Now may the God of peace—who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepherd of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood— may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen. (Hebrews 13:20, 21 NLT)

What is one of the things you feel a Dad should always do? Maybe it was something your Dad did for you that made you feel loved, or maybe he didn’t… Please share your thoughts below.

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Sources: National Fatherhood Initiative (U.S.A.), US Bureau of Census (U.S.A.), FBI (U.S.A.)

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Dare to Never Compare

As humans we are consciously and subconsciously comparing ourselves and our situations to others.

We compare our vehicles, houses, jobs, and unfortunately sometimes our spouses…

This is dangerous business, if it’s continued; someone is going to get hurt.

God has designed each of us to be the “perfect” partner for our husband/wife. Aside from that which God fulfills in your mate, you are designed to complete that person. Together, you have been designed “as one.”

I remember one day when I was feeling particularly lazy I made the mistake of justifying my lack of help and involvement by indicating how “good” my wife had it. I gave her an earful about how I was home early for supper and stayed home almost every night, and I helped get the kids ready for bed. I told her she should be grateful for what I had been doing around the house rather than pointing out the things I was doing wrong. Boy did I have a sour attitude that evening

After I realized what I had done, I apologized, repented, and began to realize something.

It’s not fair to compare the relationship I have with my wife to the relationship my parents have, or our best friends have. We are all wired differently; we have different lots in life, different callings, different gifting’s. Our spouses require different kinds of attention, in different amounts from us, and they receive love in different ways (love languages, I’ll touch more on this in a future blog.)

My wife is going to respond to the same situation differently than my Mom did, or one of my friend’s wives. My job, as the leader of my family is to discover how my wife thinks, feels, and reacts to these situations. Then I am to act accordingly to ensure her needs are being met before the needs of others. This is something I am still working on, probably something we are all working on, but I’m not giving up, ever…

Will you choose with me to stop comparing altogether, especially in your marriage? I guarantee that you will feel more fulfilled when you do.

Try it, I dare you.

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